I want it my Way

I love television, music, magazines, books and just all the modern conveniences that we have. I love that I can work, but I don’t let that take me away from my first priority, my family. I love my family, but sometimes I buckle from the pressure.

Why do we feel like we have to be everything to everyone? That is enough to make anyone go crazy. Be the perfect wife to keep him happy (and the in-laws as well), be the perfect Mom, and your parents, and you definitely don’t want to screw your kid up. Be the perfect employee to keep the boss happy, be the best boss so the employees will respect you. To be nice to the teachers at my kids school so they think you are a good parent and involved in their lives, involved with the PTA so they think you are taking an active role in your kid’s life.

We have to wear so many different costumes to the world, how does anyone know who we are, and how do we even keep up with ourselves? At some point it is time to just be “not OK.” Of course it is, we aren’t perfect, the only person who ever was is Jesus. We won’t ever be perfect so we need to embrace our quirks and our problems and have realistic expectations. Wow, if you really knew me you would know what a far stretch that is for me to say. I always want everything perfect, no surprises, do everything myself and my way. But that is unrealistic. You can’t have everything your way all the time, it doesn’t work that way.

Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed, and if I do, it is hard to get to where I am going. It is a battle in my head so I have to basically talk myself into going. I now know that I am not the only woman who goes through this. After having years of simply not being able to live my life I knew I had to do something, but doing it was hard, because you have to admit you are crazy in a way.

Who wants to look in the mirror and REALLY see who you are? I know I didn’t and in a way I still don’t. What is the image we should see? Hollywood has given us these visions of beauty that are impossible to replicate. How come when we turn 40 our bodies don’t look like Demi Moore’s? I must be doing something wrong. My stomach isn’t flat and I can’t get it that way.

I am not saying she had plastic surgery, but wouldn’t it make us ‘not ok’ folks feel better if she did. I mean then we wouldn’t have to try so hard, we would know it wasn’t something that could be achieved without it.

She is my goal, she is who I compare myself to, I mean WOW she looks great, but how does she do it, and why can't I?